Friday, December 5, 2008

A fun list from Elizabeth Kaeton

As my homage to David Letterman, here are the

Top 10 Reasons to Start Your Own

Non-Geographical 'anglican' Province (or, 'Something')

10. Frequent travel to warmer, more exotic climes: The Southern Cone, Africa, etc.

9. Evangelicals get to triumph the 39 Articles and Anglo-Catholics get to ignore most of the 39 Articles and everyone else doesn’t really care as long as there are no LGBT people around or women leading worship (neither of which is mentioned in the 39 Articles).

8. You get to pray with your own prayer book – or not – and in your own way: standing up with your arms raised; or head bowed and on your knees; or with prayer beads in hand; or, while listening to traditional hymns played on an organ or contemporary songs accompanied by a praise band.

7. Never any confusion or need to consider the ‘real meaning’ of scripture – a male, orthodox priest, bishop or primate will tell you what it means.

6. You know the ‘Way, Truth and life of Jesus’ and no one else does, and you don’t have to share it with anyone unless they agree to sign the Jerusalem Statement.

5. You have sole ownership of the ‘faith first delivered to the saints’.

4. No yucky female bishops or primates thinking they can tell you what to do – fe
male priests in the former Diocese of Pittsburgh, however, are in impaired communion with the former Bishop of Fort Worth (but the male priests, apparently, are not).

3. No LGBT people in the pews or in vestments, unless they are healed and celibate and tithing – and even then . . . . .

2. You can really believe that Jesus loves you best, even if the Archbishop of Canterbury doesn’t.

And, the number one reason to start your own non-geographical Anglican province:

1. The folks over at TEC will always leave the porch light on so you can find your way back home.

Elizabeth Kaeton

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